Seasons greetings for the new year!! A new beginning…a new year filled with HOPE
It has been a while since I last put up a post. I have been traveling a bit and have also been a bit tied up with my younger brother’s upcoming wedding later this month. Having said that, I have missed penning down my thoughts since I have come to realise that there is a certain therapeutic value in sharing one’s joys and sorrows with other like minded people. It definitely makes the load one carries a lot lighter.
There are a lot of parents out there like me who are struggling to take care of their child and who are sometimes overwhelmed mentally and physically. And irrespective of whatever the medical problem is, I know only too well how helpless one feels to see your child suffering. But oh what a feeling it is to see one’s child get better and see the innocent smile on her face once again! I was lucky to have been given a second chance with my daughter last year and I do appreciate this gift, a lot of other parents are not as lucky.
So far so good- an update
The good news is that my daughter’s eczema (Atopic Dermatitis in her case, there are different kinds as I have discussed in my earlier posts) has been kept well under control for the past couple of months under the immunosuppressive drug, Cyclosporin. So the influence of oral steroids (prednisolone) has been waning and the sudden spike in her cholesterol levels last month (one of its side effects) has now receded. However, these kind of powerful drugs can usually only be given for a limited period of time and that also under strict monitoring via regular blood tests. Blood tests are thus a regular feature in our house and I have managed to have a gentle mannered phlebotomist who makes the process as painless as possible.
We will have a medical review coming up in a few months time when it will be seen whether the medication can slowly be phased out or another drug has to be introduced, but that’s a worry for another day. Till then I intend to keep trying to figure out if there is another way to help get Aiyana’s eczema under control.
Taking care of oneself
A lot of times, we as parents get so busy taking care of our children, we forget to take care of ourselves. This is especially true for those whose children have chronic health issues. But it is really important that you as a parent (parents are usually the primary caregivers in the case of their children) take care of your own physical and mental health at the same time. This is of course easier said than done and close to impossible in times of crises, but should be definitely taken seriously at most other times. If we have to be our child’s source of constant strength and love during difficult times, it is all the more important not to neglect ourselves.
It doesn’t get easier, you just get better
And I know exactly what I am talking about. My 6 year old daughter was in the ICU for 3 weeks last June out of which the first 2 weeks were critical. There was only one place I wanted to be and that was by her side everyday. My husband was partly in the hospital and partly taking care of our 3 year old son at home and our family and friends were our source of strength and support during that difficult phase. However, I was the one keeping vigil by her bedside every night since I needed to do it for her as well as for myself. I was extremely stressed and upset and hardly got more than a few hours of undisturbed sleep at a time amidst all the flickering lights and constant beeping of the monitors in the ICU. But somehow I kept going night after night with just a few hours of rest the next morning.
I now realise that my regular schedule of exercise in the past few years played a major role in enabling me to continue to be there for my daughter for those 3 weeks without any break. Regular exercise in any form is a must to build stamina and ensure you are in good health to provide the best care for your loved ones.
The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it
This is true especially in times of crises when there is not even enough time to breathe properly. However, that is precisely the time when you have to remain as calm as humanly possible to make the best possible decisions in the interest of your child and provide the best support possible. The time when our children need us the most is usually the time when a parent is under tremendous stress and reels under the responsibility that comes with being a parent.
When I used to see the small form of my daughter lying in the ICU bed, the weight of the responsibilities of being her mother were the heaviest. I did not have the luxury of breaking down at any point in time. It was only my passion for reading which helped me relax and destress myself for a few minutes at a time each day. I used to read sitting next to her at night just to take my mind of all our problems and uncertainties even if just for a short while. There were of course times when my mind used to be crowded with all the negative possibilities and a feeling of helplessness, but relaxing even for a short while at night helped me prepare myself for the next day. It helped me to cope with the same problems just a wee bit better, but sometimes that itself makes a lot of difference.
Find your own way of relaxing, it is not only worth it but also essential for a caregiver.
I can’t promise to solve all your problems, but I can promise you won’t have to face them alone
This is my promise to Aiyana and one I know that I will always strive to keep. A lot of times it is not possible for a parent to make our child’s suffering go away, but we can make sure that our children are not alone in their fight against eczema. Eczema differs from a lot of other medical problems in the way it affects a child’s physical appearance, nutrition, lifestyle, sleep and can be triggered by a host of factors like humidity, external irritants like house dust, perfumes, detergents, stress amongst others. This makes it difficult to control this condition in many cases and hence needs much more than just the medicine prescribed by the doctor unlike in other childhood diseases like chicken pox, measles etc.
The process of controlling and improving eczema can be quite labour intensive apart from being disruptive to one’s normal way of life but needs to be done nonetheless. A lot of long term lifestyle changes (including food related ones) may be required apart from a time-consuming skin and bath care routine for the child on a daily basis ( I have discussed both in my earlier posts- “Eczema- a change in lifestyle” and “Bath time! ( And skin care routine for eczema)”). Of course, the hardest part of being a parent is watching a child go through something like this and not being able to fix it for them…and just like me I know you are doing all you can.
“I may not be perfect, but when I look at my children I know that I got something in my life perfectly right”
How true! Sometimes, in chronic and severe medical conditions like Atopic Dermatitis the condition makes itself blatantly visible. It manifests itself in the form of rashes, thickened and dark skin and in severe cases, weepy patches and lesions. It is easy for a child to become a target of ridicule and taunt like my daughter has been subjected to and it can have a negative effect on a parent as well. But to each of us blessed with a child, we know that our child is perfect in our eyes and will be loved no matter what their physical appearance (on which our society places such an importance).
So I hold my head up high and I am teaching my daughter do the same every day, for the rest of her life. I encourage my daughter to lead a normal life and hold her hands on those days her self-confidence falters.
At the end of the day, love is learning how to take excellent care of yourself so that you can take phenomenal care of the ones you love.